Seven players were present:
- Ffion Tanwen
Female Dragonborn Cleric - Mortos
Male Tiefling Druid - Garrus Ironside
Male Dwarf Paladin - To’Mas
Male Human Fighter - Bruno FaceSmasher
Male Dwarf Barbarian - Mithraax
Male Githzerai Battlemind - Lupin Damakos
Female Tiefling Rogue + Willow, Cat Animal Companion
The Pious Paladin proposes that they return to the ballroom and discuss it over drinks. Upon reaching the entryway to the Ballroom, they are stopped once more by the Pillars of Puns and forced to solve a series of patriotic puns.
HORRIBLE PATRIOTIC PUNS (Classics) First half are foods associated with picnics; the second half all have either the color “red, white, or blue” in the answer.
Foods
1: Panting Canine.*
2: Extra Chest Bones.**
3: H2O Fruit.***
4: Demonic Ovaries.****
5: Citrus Help.*****
6: Optic Yell.******
7: Frozen Golf Ball Holder.*******
Colors
8: Denim Pants.********
9: Warning Sign.*********
10: Snowy December 25th.**********
11: Chicago Baseball Team.***********
12: Boston Baseball Team.************
13: Toronto Baseball Team.*************
14: Fair Prize.**************
Lupin is intrigued by the costume and goes with Sariel to investigate. Bruno and Mithraax belly up to the bar and begin to consume copious cups of ale and leftover food from the buffet, while Garrus, To’Mas, Ffion, and Mortos take their drinks to a table and sit down.
The Diminutive Dwarf denotes that a sample of the Waters of Restoration cured Lupin’s father from Vampirism (see Family Reunion). To’Mas demands to know where this water came from and how to retrieve more of it. The Mighty Midget mentions that it is from the pyramid temple of El Kah, and the mystic waters only return once every 1,000 years (see Past Tense). The Petite Pint purports that while he was away (see Life and Death), The Heroes were sent to retrieve the waters, but they were stolen in mid-flight (see Scum and Villainy).
The Armored Infantryman announces that her curse is the punishment of the Gods. The Eerie Editor elaborates that if idleness and not involving oneself in world affairs is a crime, then most living beings on earth would be punished. The Studious Spector solicits him to free her from her servitude with his first wish. The Wily Warrior replies and counters that he will use his second wish to free her. With the deals set, the Dedicated Damsel dials 666-666-6666 on her mobile scrying device. In a puff of brimstone, Durante, the attorney from Hell (see Battling Buddies) appears. Placing their thumbprints on the contract binds To’Mas to use his second wish to free her as soon as he uses the first wish, or forfeit his soul to Hell. The Recoding Writer reveals that they must travel to the future where the Goddess will shed two tears. To’Mas is leery and queries as to how they will return to the present. The Spiritual Secretary assures him that the Goddess will return them with her final act.
The Rich Rogue reveals that he not only knows who is in possession of the tome, but uncovered a member of the United who has connections to him. However, before revealing the who and where, the Powerful Plutocrat proclaims that he has decided on the favor Mithraax promised in return for the tome’s location. The Authoritative Aristocrat announces that he wishes an audience with the rest of The Heroes; in return, he will reveal who has the Tome. As a show of good faith, the Wealthy Rascal relates that Lupin is acquainted with the current holder of the Tome.
Mortos scoffs and asks what a business man knows about waging a war. The Rich Rogue replies that a war is like running any business. You have to keep supply chains running; provide the proper weapons, food, and provisions to ensure everyone can do their job; know when to take advantage of your enemy’s weaknesses; and when to pull out of a losing venture. Mortos then accuses him of murdering Rhonda (see Father’s Day). A somewhat surprised Midas reminds them that she was a Vampire and enquires if that isn’t what they are supposed to do in this war with the undead?
The Heroes inform Midas that they are backing Conrad Frost and ask if he would be willing to support him. Midas becomes enraged and informs them that Frost and his fellow adventures accused his father of being a Vampire and murdered him. Of course, his body conveniently disappeared and no proof was ever provided (see All That Glitters). Midas then declares that years later, when he came to claim his inheritance, they accused him of being his own father. He states that he is obviously not a Vampire as he was unphased by the multiple Turn Undead spells that were casts in the ballroom (see Father’s Day).
When The Heroes question if he can use his network to find out where the Waters of Restoration are, Midas responds that he knows right now and will tell them, if they nominate him as leader of the United. The Heroes reluctantly agree, but warn him that they cannot guarantee he will win. Midas is thrilled just to be nominated and claims he can handle the rest.
Durante then approaches Bruno and asks if he would be willing to place his thumbprint on the contract. The Wild Warrior wonders if there is much fighting in Hell, Durante assures him that there is fighting every day. The Brutal Barbarian blissfully agrees and both he and Midas place their thumbprints on the contract. Midas then informs them that he is unsure if he is still in possession of it, but he knows Pyter Pyrite was the mastermind behind stealing the Waters (see Scum and Villainy). Lupin frustratingly informs them that she could have told them that, as she saw him using the Waters to summon an Orc God (see Sleeping with the Enemy). To’Mas enquires if that God had shed any tears. At that point, Ffion’s ring of Narcolepsy’s Respite pricks her finger, causing her body to disappear into the Plane of Dreams (player lives in another time zone and had to go to sleep)
To’Mas asks Pyter if they can speak in private and enquires if he speaks Elven. The Stout Solicitor speaks Elven fluently and asks Scarlet and Malachi to give the two of them some space. Scarlet and Malachi warily step to either side of them, each eyeing The Heroes suspiciously. To’Mas begins to question Pyter about the Waters of Restoration. The Bloated Banker begins sweating and looking around nervously. The Corpulent Capitalist contends that the Waters are mere legends and fairy tales, as To’Mas continues to interrogate. At the same time, Mortos and Mithraax begin to flank from the sides while Lupin stands behind the two dwarfs to get a better view.
With lightning speed, Malachi draws his sword and stabs To’Mas through a joint in his armor inflicting much damage and poisoning the knight as well. Mithraax prepares to rush in, but Scarlet glares and points a finger at him causing him to back off. Mortos releases a wall of thorns immobilizing the trio, thought they are still able to fight and defend. Garrus rushes behind Pyter to flank him with To’Mas. Malachi continues to attack To’Mas until Bruno charges him. Mithraax begins to battle Scarlet before the startled eyes of the United.
Suddenly, To’Mas is grabbed from behind by three powerful figures. King Solomon, Cornelius Gravestone, and King Mork hold him in place while order is called for. Baron Damocles angrily orders The Heroes to surrender. Garrus immediately throws down his weapons and helm and drops to his knees with his hands in the air. Lupin quickly pulls him to his feet and hisses at him to never put himself in such a vulnerable position again.
King Solomon demands that The Heroes be arrested for treason. To’Mas demands to know why they would believe Pyter is innocence on his just his word. Solomon demands to know why they should believe Pyter is guilty on just The Heroes words. The Heroes call for an immediate search of his property. Pyter proclaims that these are baseless accusations and that they have no right to invade his home. Baron Damocles announces that both The Heroes and Pyter will be placed under house arrest at the United Center until after the elections.
Conrad claims that he is positive that Midas is pretending to be his own son. The Rugged Ranger reminds them that Midas was once a Vampire and in league with the Crimson Empire in a plot to bankrupt the United (see All That Glitters). Knowing that if they were both nominated, it would split the vote and allow the Human Coalition to place Cornelius Gravestone in charge (see Familiar Faces), The Heroes ask Conrad if he would consider sharing a ticket with Midas. Seeing no other options, Conrad reluctantly agrees. When The Heroes approach Midas about sharing a ticket with Conrad, he is surprisingly amenable to a joint run for office, stating that Conrad’s past heroics and his business acumen will strike many voters as a winning combination, as an uneasy alliance is formed.
To’Mas reveals that they need to travel to the future in order to secure the tears of a Goddess. The rest of The Heroes are shocked, and Garrus enquires what good the tears will be without the Ring of Wishes. The Armored Aggressor accuses Garrus of possessing the ring and not informing the others. The Penitent Paladin proclaims that he was safeguarding it to make sure any future wishes weren’t squandered like the last time (see Battling Buddies). The Sullen Sentry stresses that Garrus was the one who wanted more trust and honesty among the group (see Familiar Faces). An offended Garrus slams the ring on the table and places the burden of protecting the ring, and future wishes, on To’Mas. The Steel Soldier secures the ring and places it in his pouch.
The Heroes then take inventory of everything they need to immediately do. After many runaround conversations, they finalize a list. First, they need to find some wizards within the United who can provide them with transport circles to recover the Waters of Restoration from Pyter’s mansion. Proving both his guilt, and to use it to cure To’Mas’ daughter Ca’hne and Ffion’s village. Second, return in time to hopefully secure the election in their favor. And Thirdly, journey to Red River Rock the next night to be sent into the future by Lord Chronos. With their course of action agreed upon, The Heroes quickly down their ales and head off in search of a wizard.
To be continued? ? ?
Lupin was intrigued by the faux Satyr disguise, but what does it mean? She became quite cross with Garrus for surrendering to the United, feeling that it undermined their strength in front of the United. Garrus tried to offer To’Mas hope that there is a cure for Vampirism: the Waters of Restoration. His loyalty to the United forced him to surrender when ordered. And he became quite offended when To’Mas called him out on possessing the Ring of Wishes. Ffion didn’t get too much of a chance to play due to the difference in time zones. But she was still helped solve the puns. She also helped explaine to To’Mas about the properties of the Waters and how it may be able to cure her family and village. Mortos didn’t seem enthralled with nominating Midas to lead the United. His challenging that a businessman knows nothing about politics induced a slew of out of game Trump impressions from many players. Always quick with his wall of thorns, he immediately hampered Pyter and his cohort’s mobility. His ranting against the United’s ineffectualness reflected his previous rant (see War of Words). To’Mas' determination to cure or kill Ca’hne led him to a deal with the Registrar. Discovering that he needs to travel to the future to retrieve the tears of a Goddess was only half as shocking as finding out Garrus was concealing the ring from them. Desperate to recover the Waters, he made a second deal with Midas, which led to a fight in front of the upper echelon of the United. Confronting Garrus about the ring may have broken the trust between them. Bruno is always looking to quench his thirst and hunger. His eagerness for adventure forced him to happily wager his soul for a chance to battle in Hell. He was also quick to attack Pyter and his allies without a second thought. Mithraax’s quest to find the Tome of the Eternal Blades resulted in him introducing Midas to The Heroes. That also led The Heroes to nominate Midas as leader (later co-leader) of the United. Eager to prove himself in battle to his friends, he was stopped in his tracks by a single glare and point of a finger by Scarlet, which he admitted he found oddly sexy. Bravo to all!!!
* Panting Canine: – Panting = hot; canine = dog– Hot Dog.
** Extra Chest Bones: – Extra = spare; chest bones = ribs – Spare Ribs.
*** H2O Fruit: – H2O = water; fruit = melon – Watermelon.
**** Demonic Ovaries: – Demonic = deviled; ovaries = eggs – Deviled Eggs.
***** Citrus Help: – Citrus = lemon; help = aid – Lemonade.
****** Optic Yell: – Optic = eye; yell = scream – Ice Cream (Eye Scream).
******* Frozen Golf Ball Holder: – Frozen = iced; golf ball holder = tee – Iced Tea.
******** Denim Pants: Blue Jeans.
********* Warning Sign: – Red Flag.
********** Snowy December 25th: – White Christmas.
*********** Chicago Baseball Team: – White Sox.
************ Boston Baseball Team: – Red Sox.
************* Toronto Baseball Team: – Blue Jays.
************** Fair Prize: – Blue Ribbon.
Next: Chapter 74 - Talking Points
Previous: Chapter 72 - Father's Day