Seven players were present:
- To’Mas,
Male Human Fighter - Mortos,
Male Tiefling Druid - Bruno FaceSmasher,
Male Dwarf Barbarian - Mithraax,
Male Githzerai Battlemind - Garrus Ironside,
Male Dwarf Paladin - Ffion Tanwen,
Female Dragonborn Cleric - Lupin Damakos,
Female Tiefling Rogue + Willow, Cat Animal Companion
Nearby, a glint of metal hurling through the air catches the eyes of both Mortos and Ffion: the legendary Ring of Wishes flies toward the waiting pair (see Monster Mash). Like leaping for a jump ball, the two Heroes instinctively spring for the ring. A higher dexterity roll allows Mortos to just snatch it from Ffion’s grasp. As they land, the Fantastic Farmer flaunts the ring upon his finger. The Spiritual Serpent stares sternly toward him and warns him to be cautious, as the Registrar looks on.
So great is the Furious Fighter’s fury, that the duo Diminutive Dwarves are unable to physically restrain him as he advances toward Dimva. Leaping upon Dimva, Garrus acts as a Dwarven shield to prevent the Armored Accuser from abusing the Alleged Assassin. Before the Powerful Prosecutor can pounce, Ffion casts a cone of force blowing Dimva and To’Mas in separate directions.
A hysterical Dimva tells Garrus that he needs the ring of wishes to get out of the contract he signed with the Human Coalition. When Garrus enquires as to what the contract entails, the Desperate Dwarf declares that he signed a contract to kill General Sterling for one million gold pieces and a castle, and that the contract was notarized by a devil. Since he failed to kill Sterling, his soul is now condemned to Hell. The Powerful Paladin ponders if Dimva did indeed kill Sterling. The Raving Rogue relates that he was just about to, when Scarlet killed him with a crossbow (see Choices & Consequences). The Distressed Dwarf’s distraught discourse about finding the ring becomes so hysterical that Garrus punches him, flooring him with one blow.
Breaking free from the trio, the Wily Warrior wields his weapon and starts to hack away at the vines. Fearing that To’Mas will chop his way through the thorns, a panicked Mortos wishes for his sword to turn into a noodle. Suddenly, the blade of To’Mas’ sword becomes a giant strand of linguini as it flops against the thorns.
A frantic Father Fredrick flies over to Mortos and calls him a fool. The Indignant Elder informs him that there was only one wish left in the ring, and that he waisted it so frivolously. Mortos tries to wish again and again, but to no avail. Proclaiming that it is a piece of junk, the Distraught Demon discards the ring to the ground where it rolls beneath the thorns. Garrus surreptitiously picks it up and places it in his pocket.
Quickly scooping him up, the Powerful Priestess places To’Mas into a pouch in her satchel to cool off. Taking advantage of this sudden lull in action, Bruno rushes over and begins to devourer the al dente delight still hanging from the wall. Lupin slips through the thorns and tries to come up with a plan with Garrus. Deciding that the best course of action is to remove the source of To’Mas ire, Lupin thrusts Dimva up and turns invisible. Using her Spider-Boots, the Cunning Criminal carries the Comatose Cut-throat to the celling to circumvent To’Mas from locating them with his infra-red vision.
When asked how the ring came into his possession, the Weary Wiseman replies that he was an adventurer like them once. “My wife and I attempted to steal an artifact that a village of Lizardmen worshipped: The Ring of Wishes. When we were caught before we could leave with the ring, she was slain by the Lizardmen. So great was my fury that I wished for the village to be burned to the ground killing every man, woman, and child in the village. Realizing the horror I had done, I vowed to change my ways and became a cleric of Kord. I kept the ring and the one remaining wish in case there was ever a dire emergency. But now, it is gone.”
Mortos asks if there are limitations on the ring’s wishes. The Morose Monk maintains that the greater and more selfish the wish, the greater the chance for things to go wrong. The Cunning Cleric claims simple and altruistic wishes have a better chance of no ill-intended consequences occurring.
Forgetting about Dimva, To’Mas turns from the group and begins to decapitate the bodies of the Mind Flayers, while searching for treasure. Finding Gold, an enchanted fire sword, and a twisted wooden stick, To’Mas asks Father Fredrick if he can identify it. The Geriatric Gentleman gathers that it is a powerful magic wand. The Silver Sentry says that if Mortos was the only one who could use it, he would break the wand in front of his face. He then hands the wand to Ffion.
The Cryptic Creature claims there may be clues at the village of the Lizardmen that Fredrick burned down and wants to know where it is located. Fredrick tells him that it is located in the Primal Swamps. Between Tiny Town and the United Center. To’Mas proclaims that they don’t have time to waste with another side quest, picks up the hilt of his sword and storms out of the chambers.
Producing a contract for all to see, the Dashing Devil denotes that Dimva has failed to fulfill his contract to assassinate General Sterling. Proclaiming that he is here to collect Dimva’s soul.
Producing a small idol of a demon she procured from a summoning (see Sleeping with the Enemy), the Damsel Demon dares to determine if he would take it for an extension on collecting Dimva’s soul. The Sinister Solicitor seems satisfied with the deal and agrees to allow them three more days. The Evil Attorney announces that if they refuse to honor this new deal, there will be Hell to pay, then dissipates in a puff of brimstone.
When the rest of The Heroes emerge from the sewers, they find To’Mas waiting with their horses, and a few new ones for their new comrades, all in tack. As they mount their steeds, Father Fredrick promises to tend to the unconscious Brugor (see Monster Mash).
As they ride further down the road, The Heroes run into Pat O’Luck still trudging toward the United Center (see Road Less Traveled). The grateful Green Gent gladly accepts their gracious offer of a ride. To repay them for taking him to the United Center, the Midget Merchant mirthfully regales them with puns about St. Patrick’s Day.
HORRIBLE ST. PATRICK’S DAY PUNS (Classics)
1: A spotted cat in an orange jumpsuit.*
2: A cow covered with rows of yellow bumps.**
3: Metallic yellow marijuana.***
4: Stream of water bobbing to music.****
5: Phony Stone.*****
6: Fortunate Trinkets.******
7: Clovers in an Earthquake.*******
8: Irish City x 2.********
9: Quad Pedal Green Flower.*********
10: Explosive Automobile.**********
11: Original Obi Wan Actor.***********
12: St. Patrick’s Caffeine.************
To be continued? ? ?
Lupin was extremely bold going face to face with To’Mas. Her extreme efforts to protect Dimva were surprising since she never seemed particularly fond of him. Her deal with Durante to find out about the Human Coalition puts them on a tight deadline. Garrus’ optimism over Dimva’s guilt also shined through. He was willing to put himself in the path of danger on his faith of Dimva’s innocence. He didn’t reveal that he recovered the Ring of Wishes, which is surprising for a dwarf who wants more communication in the group. Failing to capture the ring, Ffion allowed Mortos to keep the ring without a fight. She tried to keep the opponents physically apart without harming anyone, and went to great efforts to protect To’Mas in mouse form. Mortos caught the ring and immediately wasted the remaining wish changing To’Mas’ sword into linguini. Using his own magics, he threw up a wall of thorns and shrank To’Mas into a mouse, all in a preventative effort to avoid physically harming either of his friends. To’Mas showed just how tough a fighter can be. Steamrolling through the physical might and mighty magics of his compatriots, he was in full Terminator mode. Determine to deliver justice for his friend’s murder. Explaining his attachment to his sword showed a sentimental side he rarely reveals. Bruno’s massive barbarian strength was put to the test when he tried to physically restrain To’Mas. Like the others, he chose not to harm To’Mas. However, that decision hampered their efforts to control him. Always hungry, he made short work on the giant linguini. Mithraax made his debut this session. Content to watch for most of the session, he revealed himself once the battle was over. Searching for a scared tome, the village Father Fredrick destroyed may hold the key. Bravo to all!!!
* A spotted cat in an orange jumpsuit: Spotted cat = leopard; orange jumpsuit = convict – Leopard Con (Leprechaun).
** A cow covered with rows of yellow bumps: Cow = beef; rows of yellow bumps = corn – Corned Beef.
*** Metallic yellow marijuana: Marijuana = pot; metallic yellow = gold – Pot O’ Gold.
**** Stream of water bobbing to music: Stream = river; bobbing = dance – River Dance.
***** Phony Stone: Phony = sham; stone = rock – Shamrock.
****** Fortunate Trinkets: Fortunate = lucky; trinkets = charms – Lucky Charms.
******* Clovers in an Earthquake: Clover = shamrock; earthquake = shake – Shamrock Shake.
******** Irish City x 2: x 2 = Doubling– Dublin.
********* Quad Pedal Green Flower: Quad = 4; pedal = leaf; flower = clover – 4 Leaf Clover.
********** Explosive Automobile: Explosive = bomb; automobile = car – Car Bomb.
********** Original Obi Wan Actor: Obi Wan Actor = Alec Guinness – Guinness.
************ St. Patrick’s Caffeine: St. Patrick = Irish; caffeine = coffee – Irish Coffee.
Next: Chapter 70 - Familiar Faces
Previous: Chapter 68 - Monster Mash