Five players were present:
Lupin Damakos, Female Tiefling Rogue
+ Willow, Cat Animal Companion
Humperdink, Female Dragonborn Fighter
+ Fjord, Dire Wolf Animal Companion
Enuffdain, Male Elf Paladin
Henrick, Male Human Warlock
The Heroes are startled by the sudden appearance of The Accountess (see Mini-Adventure 7). They now face their greatest challenge: talking to NPCs!!! The Accountess relates that Lillianna has agreed to join the Undead Resistance against Lord Chronos on the condition they save her (and Malkor's) son, who is being held and trained by Lord Chronos. When he comes of age, Chronos will turn him into his Vampire protégé in his quest to rule the world (all this was revealed way back in Chapter 1). The Heroes demand to know why Lillianna attacked them. The sheepish Heroes are reminded that they invaded her home. As a gesture of good will, Lillianna releases Melkor, Apothocos, Baraku, and Buttercup from their mystic bonds.
The Accountess then addresses The Heroes and tells them that a choice must be made. Will they assist The United and the Resistance in the war against The Crimson Empire? The Accountess is flabbergasted when The Heroes ask what their options are. She reminds them that it is literally a matter of life and death. The Heroes actually consider how cool it would be to be undead and work for The Crimson Empire (why... is... this... so... difficult????). Finally, The Heroes half-heartedly agree to assist the flummoxed Accountess and Lillianna.
The Accountess bids them all a quick adieu, stating that she must return to her village of Super Models before The Crimson Empire suspects her perfidious nature and exacts vengeance. (Side note: My wife was sneaking a piece of pizza while I was voicing the Accountess' departure. She repeated "village of Super Models?" and left shaking her head.) Lillianna then leads The Heroes to the mystic pentagram at the heart of the volcano.
Shaken, The Heroes try to determine where the blast came from. Apothocos whispers to Egnarts that Malkor and Lillianna are not to be trusted. Egnarts is somewhat taken aback, and wonders if perhaps Apothocs is trying to mislead him. He then hugs the cleric. (Out of character he enquires if Apothocos hugged him back. He was assured that he did give him a manly hug, but made sure that their hips did not touch.) Egnarts then declares that he demands full genitalia contact when he hugs or he is not to be trusted?!?!?! They embrace once more, male genitalia pressing against each other. . . OH, NEVER MIND!!! SHEESH!!!!
HORRIBLE NAMES OF STATES PUN NUMBER 1: Small Soft Drinks.*
HORRIBLE NAMES OF STATES PUN NUMBER 2: Groovy Wife.**
HORRIBLE NAMES OF STATES PUN NUMBER 3: Scrubbing 2,000 pounds of Clothes.***
HORRIBLE NAMES OF STATES PUN NUMBER 4: Sick of Loud Sounds.****
HORRIBLE NAMES OF STATES PUN NUMBER 5: Prospector's Claim Vanished.*****
HORRIBLE NAMES OF STATES PUN NUMBER 6: Highways surrounded by water.******
HORRIBLE NAMES OF STATES PUN NUMBER 7: Wedding Ground.*******
HORRIBLE NAMES OF STATES PUN NUMBER 8: Watch a Prostitute.********
HORRIBLE NAMES OF STATES PUN NUMBER 9: Electronic Message's Butt.*********
* Small Soft Drinks: Small = mini; soft Drinks = soda – Mini Soda (Minnesota).
** Groovy Wife: Groovy = hippy; Wife = Mrs. – Mrs. Hippy (Mississippi).
*** Scrubbing 2,000 pounds of Clothes: Scrubbing = washing; 2,000 pounds = a ton – Washing a ton (Washington).
**** Sick of Loud Sounds: Sick = ill; loud sounds = noise – Ill of noise (Illinois).
***** Prospector's Claim Vanished: Prospector's claim = ore; vanished = all gone – Ore all Gone (Oregon).
****** Highways surrounded by water: Highway = road; surrounded by water = island – Road Island (Rhode Island).
******* Wedding Ground: Wedding = Mary; ground = land – Mary Land (Maryland).
******** Watch a Prostitute: Watch = eye; prostitute = ho – Eye the Ho (Idaho).
********* Electronic Message's Butt: Electronic message = text; butt = ass – Text Ass (Texas).
Each Player received a random Drama Card for solving a pun.
Next: Chapter 17 - Honey, We Shrunk The Heroes!
Previous: Chapter 15 - Back to the Beginning