Three players were present:
Lupin Damakos, Female Tiefling Rogue
Globgums, Male Myconid Avenger
Enuffdain, Male Elf Paladin
Absent:
Egnarts, Male Human Sorcerer
Crick, Female Elf Ranger + Fjord, Dire Wolf Animal Companion
Melkor, Male Human/Revenant Ranger
Apothocos, Male Human Cleric
Baraku, Male Shardmind Psion
A brief explanation. Mini Adventures are what we play when there are two to three PCs, or when key players who are pivotal to the plot are absent. It originated when our former DM was absent for about 6 months and I filled in with only 2-4 PCs per session. Mini Adventures are one-off stories, while not part of our campaign (or a campaign unto itself), there is some consistency and reoccurring NPCs. I will attempt to write recaps of the four previous Mini Adventures as time and memory permits.
This session also heralds the return of Horrible Pun Prizes. The players try to solve the horrible pun to win magic items and potions, usually reflective of the month we play (e.g. Holidays, Seasons, etc.). This month is a belated patriotic theme.
A powerful sandstorm has revealed the entrance to an ancient temple. Adventurers of many races rush to be the first to explore the temple. Who knows what treasures and mysteries may be hidden in the depths below? General Sterling sends The Heroes to inspect the temple and ascertain if it poses a threat to the United.
Upon discovering the entrance, The Heroes see many footprints leading through the entryway. Clearly, they are not the first to arrive. Enuff and Globglums bravely shove Lupin to the front. Opening the door, they are confronted with three heavily armed humans. The human party threatens The Heroes and form a line. Globgums turns invisible and sneaks around the aggressors, while Lupin and Enuff confront the human party head on.
HORRIBLE PATRIOTIC PUN NUMBER 1: Two of the human's have normal left arms, but their other arms are furry with claws.*
After a slightly extended battle (poor dice roles against 1 point minions), The Heroes search the bodies; Enuff finds a magic Shield and a tome written in a language none of them can translate; Globgums finds a map to an island; and Lupin finds body parts, but hidden in those parts, she discover a gold medallion with an odd symbol on it.
Entering the next room, they find a long, narrow corridor. A two inch gap, about three feet off the floor, bisects the room horizontally. Enuff throws the helmets of the defeated humans down the corridor to see if there are any traps. Nothing happened, so once again pushing Lupin in front, The Heroes carefully make their way down the hall. About a third of the way down, a series of giant buzz-saws emerge from the gap. spining close together, The Heroes are forced into a narrow single file line. The saws are so close, that they must move at half speed or roll for damage. Globgums, being short anyways, decides to squat and walk under the blades, while Enuff decides to roll under the blades in his armor. Lupin continues to move at half speed. Suddenly, the door at the other end opens and a human wizard begins to shoot lightning down the narrow slot. The lightening travels through all of The Heroes, causing much damage. Enuff used a spell to switch places with Lupin to battle the wizard. Lupin decided to speed things up and shoved Enuff, who ended up pushing the wizard, into the next room. Once in the room, two more humans were waiting: a knight and their leader, Tom Selleck. Much stronger than their minions, Tom and his cohorts put up a good fight. All of The Heroes dished out a lot of damage, but Lupin seemed to land the killing blow more often then not.
With their foes defeated,, The Heroes searched the room. They discovered two more medallions with strange symbols. They also noticed a mural on the wall.
HORRIBLE PATRIOTIC PUN NUMBER 2: The mural depicted people on a riverbank scrubbing 2,000 pounds of clothes.**
Everyone found a lot of gold except Globgums, who only found 10 gold pieces. He did find a Magic shield though.
Pushing Lupin to the front again, The Heroes opened the next door. The next room was a large maze of spiked rollers. Again, The Heroes had to move at half speed through the narrow corridors. Shadowy figures were spotted moving in the dark. Cleverly splitting up, each of The Heroes encountered a female Drow Elf. Globgums fought Sue the warrior; Enuff battled Mary the mage; and Lupin faced off with Jane the warrior. Instead of fighting, Jane tried to convince Lupin to join them. Calling her sister, Jane said they watched how the other males treated her, they wanted her to help kill the others and join them in their matriarchal society. Lupin said yes!!! Jane flanked Enuff and Lupin maneuvered behind Mary and threw a dagger at Enuff but missed. Meanwhile, Globgums had cast a spell on Sue immobilizing her, though she could still fight. Globglums offered Sue respite by making a religion check and handing her a pamphlet encouraging her to join the faithful of Melora and The Heroes party (since Lupin had betrayed The Heroes momentarily by joining the Drowish women). Feeling confident in this action and his high religiosity, Globgums was shocked when she flat out refused, although she did so rather politely (it was kind of cute actually). Despite his good intentions and the very civil nature of this combat in which they were locked, Globgums was left with no other course of action but to finally make a good attack role and smite her mightily. Despite the earth shattering blow he dealt her, Sue had yet enough strength left to break free of the fight and pursue Enuffdain. However she did so in an oozing bloody trail of hopelessness that led to her quick demise. Enuff was taking damage but managed to bloody Jane. Lupin was still loyal to her cowardly, misogynistic companions and struck Mary. Eventually, all three Drow were brought down. Upon searching, two more medallions were found.
At the end of the maze stood a locked door. There were five circular slots on the side of the door. Lupin quickly figured out the order of the medallions and unlocked the door. On the other side was a great hall with four large columns supporting the ceiling, a set of four six foot tall statues stood in the middle, and at the other end of the hall, an alter with an ornate casket upon It.
HORRIBLE PATRIOTIC PUN NUMBER 3: On the ceiling, an ancient banner has been hanging for a thousand years.***
Inhabiting the room were four armored skeletons at the entrance and two more toward the rear, two skeleton archers, a large, four armed, Skeletal tomb guardian, and a three headed, skeletal, Skull Lord!!!
Pushing Lupin in first (she should have stuck with the Drow), she attacks the two armored skeletons on the Left while Enuff strikes at the two on the right. Globglums teleports to the casket on the other side of the hall and ends up in a Gelatinous Cube. Lupin leaps up on the statues in the center of the room and fights her two skeletons from the high ground. Enuff defeats his two opponents and heads toward the casket. The two archer skeletons fire at Lupin and the Skull Lord jabs his staff into the Gelatinous Cube to inflect damage to the trapped (failed saving roll) Globgums. The battle is fast and furious as The Heroes maneuver into position. Lupin is mostly occupied by the two armored skeletons at the base of the statues, but still manages to fire off a few shots from her bow, Globgums escapes the Gelatinous Cube and he and Enuff take out the Skull Lord and Tomb Guardian with surprising ease. The Heroes then defeat another armored skeleton and archer. The Armored Skeletons had the ability to mark their opponents, so Lupin was stuck on the statues fighting two skeletons, all three of them took turns hitting for little or no damage. Globgums was behind a column marked by another armored skeleton, so he was trapped as well. The archer continued to fire off ineffectual shot after shot at The Heroes.
The strangest event was between Enuff and the Gelatinous Cube. The Cube would suck up Enuff and inflict acid damage. Enuff would pull himself free, covered with placenta (eww, gross) and penetrate the cube with his blade; the cube would then suck him in again and start the process over and over again; SIX ROUNDS OF THIS!?!?!? The tide slowly turned, Lupin defeated her two opponents, as did Globgums. Enuff lead the Cube toward the Statues. Lupin finished off the Archer with her bow, and all three of the Heroes began to penetrate the Cube from three sides, again, and again, and again, until it erupted in an orgasmic shower of placenta and slime. Everyone needed a towel and a cigarette afterwards. The Heroes searched the casket and everyone found lots of gold except Globgums, who once again found 10 gold coins. Lupin also found a leather Jerkin. The question remains, who was in the casket, and where did he/she go?
To be continued? ? ?
*Two of the human's have normal left arms, but their other arms are furry with claws: Opposite of Left = right; two = to; furry arms with claws = bear arms - Right to bear arms. Enuff got a +2 AC shield for solving this.
**People scrubbing 2,000 pounds of clothes: Scrubbing = washing; 2,000 pounds = 1 ton - Washing a Ton (Washington). Globgums got a +2 AC shield for solving this.
***An ancient banner has been hanging for a thousand years: 1,000 = grand; Ancient = old, Banner = flag - Grand Old Flag. Lupin got a +2 AC leather jerkin for solving this.