Enuffdain, Male Elf Paladin
Lupin Damakos, Female Tiefling Rogue + Willow, Cat Animal Companion
Wizbang, Male Drow Wizard
Banished from Hell, our Heroes find themselves in the gully of a large valley (Side Note: Once again, the boy’s artistic talents shined through, with their dimensional representation of the valley, river, and campsite!). Finding themselves lost, with no direction or purpose, The Heroes decide to pitch camp for the night.
After a series of failed attacks against the Marauding Monsters, Wizbang decides to launch a fireball toward Lupin’s tree?!?!?! With the tree in flames, Lupin teleports away from the scene of the arboreal arson. The Ticked-Off Titans see her, and start to pursue the teenaged, Tiefling thief.
Sword and sorcery against strength and savagery! The Heroes battle for their lives! Enuff inappropriately lays hands on himself several times, during the battle to ummm. . . revitalize himself. Lupin regains much needed HP with the Baker’s Blade: at one point, leaping upon the leader’s head. Wizbang is pummeled, as he screams for Lupin to get them out of this situation (No, really. He did.).
After an awkward introduction, Wizbang and the Beholder hem and haw, while trying to find common ground. The Beholder, Huckleberry (Note to self: Do not let players come up with names for NPCs!!!), notices the demon hand (See Chapter 24) hanging from Wizbang’s belt, and offers to attach it. A shocked Wizbang asks if he is able to do so. Huckleberry assures him that he is, and complies, welding the claw to his stump with his flame ray. With the Demonic appendage attached (What could possibly go wrong with having a DEMON hand?), Wizbang and Huckleberry levitate to the top of the ridge and proceed to hurl fireballs toward the trio of Cyclopes. In an amazing display of horrific dice rolls, Wizbang and Huckleberry each roll seven consecutive misses in a row! At one point, Huckleberry rolled a 3, four times in a row!
As The Heroes travel with the Cyclopes, they find a scroll engraved with Valentine/Dessert Puns:
HORRIBLE VALENTINE/DESSERT PUN NUMBER 1: Sexy Chocolate Weekend.*
HORRIBLE VALENTINE/DESSERT PUN NUMBER 2: 3.14 of a Texas Monument.**
HORRIBLE VALENTINE/DESSERT PUN NUMBER 3: iPhone Flipped.***
HORRIBLE VALENTINE/DESSERT PUN NUMBER 4: Heavenly Dessert.****
HORRIBLE VALENTINE/DESSERT PUN NUMBER 5: Hellish Dessert.*****
HORRIBLE VALENTINE/DESSERT PUN NUMBER 6: Metal Urine Container Pastry.******
HORRIBLE VALENTINE/DESSERT PUN NUMBER 7: Roasted 49th State.*******
HORRIBLE VALENTINE/DESSERT PUN NUMBER 8: Hit a Door Opener.********
HORRIBLE VALENTINE/DESSERT PUN NUMBER 7: Redhead’s Doughy Abode.*********
Franticly rummaging through their belongings, Lupin presents the Queen with 10 fine-crafted daggers; a vial of Spider-Venom; 4 T-Rex fangs; and an elixir of health. Wizbang offers her a wondrous box (mystically sealed, he has been unable to ever open it). Enuff confers the pelt of a displacer beast to the Beastly Queen (Bonus points to anyone who can list the adventures in which said items were obtained!). The Queen is enthralled with her gifts and invites The Heroes to party with them until the Groom arrives. The Heroes mull over who the lucky groom could be. They then go about doing what they do best; looting the abode of their new-found allies.
* Sexy Chocolate Weekend: Sexy = hot; chocolate = fudge; weekend = Sunday – Hot Fudge Sundae.
** 3.14 of a Texas Monument: 3.14 = pi; Texas monument = Alamo – Pie á la Mode.
*** iPhone Flipped: iPhone = apple; flipped = turnover – Apple Turnover.
**** Heavenly Dessert: Heavenly = angel; dessert = cake – Angel Food Cake.
***** Hellish Dessert: Hellish = devil; dessert = cake – Devil’s Food Cake.
****** Metal Urine Container Pastry: Urine = pee; metal container = can; pastry = pie – Pecan Pie.
******* Roasted 49th State: Roasted = baked; 49th Stater = Alaska – Baked Alaska.
******** Hit a Door Opener: Hit = punch; door opener = key – Paczki [(po͝onch′kē) Polish, jelly/creamed filled doughnuts].
********* Redhead’s Doughy Abode: Redhead = ginger; doughy = bread; abode = house – Gingerbread House.
Each Player received a random Drama Card for solving a pun.
° The Organization of Ogres (OOO) was founded in the early 70's. My brother and I had many plastic cowboy figures of various sizes when we were kids. As he was a few years older, he was more of a stickler on only using the same size figures when we played. On getting an extremely large scale batch, I suggested that we just attribute the size discrepancies to the fact that they were Ogres, so we could use them with our existing toys. I actually came up with the name, OOO, on the spot. This allowed us to merge all of our cowboys together. The OOO soon spread to all of our toys: soldiers, knights, animals, cars; suddenly, size made no difference, and our repertoire of toys increased dramatically. For over forty years, the OOO has been a non profit organization, the only requirement for joining is your imagination.